I have been buried in a huge load of tasks and assignments of work and study these days. My mind cannot think of anything except lesson plans, home assignments, and team projects. However, I can feel something existing in a mess of thoughts and feelings. It seems to be there silently and just wakes up when the feeling of failure dominates and fully occupies my entire body and soul. That thing is named “Destiny”!
“Our Destiny is not written for us, but by us.” – Barack Obama
I still remember that my lecturers explained the concept of Destiny so many times in the past. They insisted that what you repeat doing day by day will form your habits; your habits will gradually form your personality; and then your personality will construct your destiny.
So, destiny is written by you and with your choices, isn’t it? This question has been haunting me for years since I do not believe that it is simply interpreted in that way. Throughout the years, I realized that you are not the only entity in your world or your society. You get very influenced by people around you and sometimes you let them dominate your thoughts and decisions deliberately or accidentally.
However, to deeply understand what might influence you daily and logically, you can reference my previous post ” Gained then Lost” ( https://saigontimez.com/gained-then-lost/). The post stated that the ecological system depicts the different environments around you including the chronosystem, macrosystem, exosystem, mesosystem, and microsystem. Mostly, no one can be against the rule that you will be from slightly to significantly affected by the aforementioned environments. Thus, knowing their existence will help you deal with them properly. Go with the flow and take proper action is the best policy in this world. Understand the principles instead of getting the quick tricks found in some books.
Let me share the life knot that I have been carrying with me for years!
I am a middle child in a family of 6 members. My parents worked in the education and training industry; my father was a lecturer and my mother was a secondary school teacher. They did their best to bring me up. They gave me food, shelter, clothes, and love. They taught me how to be a good person. They are extremely dedicated to their children. They couldn’t stop working for their kids’ education and better life.
However, there is only one thing I have been concerned about for years that is the way they treated and expected from each of us.
I am the only one among my siblings not being allowed to choose the major I like. When I was in my teens, what I was supposed to do was to follow my parental arrangements. What my parents showed me was merely their commands. I didn’t recognize that being obedient in the past to some extent caused a big regret of mine at the present. At the age of 18, especially in a country like Vietnam, I seemed to get lost with my career path, my life orientation, and my true personality. I didn’t know what I was meant to do because the only thing I liked was coldly rejected by my parents. Finally, I failed to fight for myself. I fulfilled my parents’ dream of being an IT guy with an honor degree; an IT guy has had no related experiences in what he studied for 4 years in university since the day of graduation. Four years pursuing the things I hate and struggling to complete it was such a nightmare of mine. I used to shed tears of exhaustion because of things that never belonged to me. I had no second options while my other siblings had. I was jealous and did not know why.
Four years went by and left me with only one thought: Being determined to finish what I already started and do it strategically. My strategy was to do my best. I was not good at programming, but I was good at analyzing and seeing the system structure. I was hardworking and was able to deal with criticism to get what I wanted no matter how painful they were. I found out the way to be in coalition with a guy good at programming and released our best together. That was how I survived my 4 years in university with the things I hated.
My hardship never stopped there. I used to believe that when I graduated from university, I could get my freedom. However, I was wrong. I could feel the expectations that my parents laid on my shoulders more and more when they knew that I opted to be a teacher like them. They wanted me to be like them, but I can’t. I cannot be a traditional teacher or one who always obeys the rules, regulations, and social norms. Every time, I changed my jobs, what they showed me was their dissatisfaction. I still remember that when I was offered the position of Quality Control Manager of a system of language centers; I revealed that news to my mom and what I received was a question like “What is it?” and nothing more. Disappointed and upset could be the right words for my emotions at that moment; later I learned that old people like my mom and dad do not like “changes”. They always aim at what is called Stability. From then on, my strategy is to do silently all the time and just only share the achievements.
Doing my best, Finding the right coalition, Doing silently, and just sharing my achievements became my motto in life. I started sharing less and keeping my thoughts to myself. My world became exactly my world where there were me and only me. I seemed to be energetic and dynamic, but I was introverted. During the time I worked for Apollo, I exposed myself a lot in dilemmatic situations. I learned more about the power and voice in a working environment enriched with office politics. My strategy changed one more time in that context; Attack when I grasp the power in my hands and Defend when I fall into an inferior position.
Working with numbers and figures helped me grow more and more mature; It told me what I should see, should notice, and should do to eliminate the redundant.
In 2020, at the age of 34, I lost everything, I lost my job, my income, my pride, and my beliefs. Everything seemed to fight against me. Nobody knew that hard time of mine. I got promises but they seemed to be lies; some of the people I called friends turned their backs on me because I had no more benefits to offer them. I was alone indeed. I needed to manage to have enough money for my mortgage and my daily expenses. Finally, I lost.
One day, a student of mine and my former colleague asked me why I didn’t use my strength in teaching and training people to get the way out of the crisis. I did not like to be called a “teacher” – it is like a cage that can imprison a bird like me. I like freedom, but I am afraid of social norms and regulations. It took me so many nights to seriously think about their suggestions. Eventually, I learned that being a teacher is not like what I used to think about; social norms are still there; regulations can be found anywhere; if I am gifted with the ability to influence and train people, I am supposed to make good use of it and strengthen it over time. My strategy changed again – It was not about Doing my best; It was about Using my Strengths and Sharpening them to be power tools.
I spent nearly 3 years helping myself get out of that crisis and slowly gain back what I used to have. Three years of watching people whom I knew surpassing me – they can be my friends, my former colleagues, my students, and even my former subordinates- was not easily acceptable. I learned to swallow the envy and jealousy to move forward. I added some directions into my strategy – Keeping the determination to prove my strengths and use them to survive and thrive. …
You can see that life is not as easy as you thought. It can vary in many ways, and remarkably twist without any recognizable signals. Blaming gets you nowhere in this life. Putting down your ego and learning how to adapt to your surrounding environments is the best policy of all time.
Your strategies might differ from one to one. Every time you learn to change your inputs, you will write a new chapter of your destiny. Believe it or not is your choice of today. Come up with your own Strategy or end up everything in a Tragedy!
Good luck my friends!
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