Written by 2:24 pm Everyday Life, Growth Mindset, Life English • 27 Comments

The Art of Making Connections

If you have experienced enough ups and downs in your life, you learned that Connection is not simply a word. It even means more than its definition. There is a saying –  “The most important things in life are the connections you make with others”.  To some extent, you might interpret that saying as the more positive connections you have, the more opportunities you get to better your life and thrive.

When I am writing down these lines, I have been learning and improving my communication style. Also, I am making myself attentively observe and adjust my style to others. It could be said that Communication used to be my extremely serious weakness. I failed because of it, I was excluded because of it, and I was hated because of it. I have been keeping these behind-the-scenes secrets for myself for years. One day, I recognized that nothing is absolute and anyone on earth can be obsolete if they show their disregard for things evolving around them, especially their networks. This lesson took me years to learn and comprehend what it means.

As usual, it is easier said than done. I always remind myself that I must find out “How-to” tactics to make Great Things come true, and they can serve me then. In this article, the Art of Making Connections can be gradually unveiled with 3 must-do things.

Top #1: Playing as a Gecko

A few years ago, I came across the theory of the Luminar Spark Model written by Stewart Desson. It can be said that the model definitely broadened my horizon. It showed me the diversity of people around me. From that, I can explain their behavior (the ways they react to things happening in their lives), and their thinking (the ways they process data, and consider things to make decisions then). However, what was left in my mind after reading the theory, further explanations, and “theoretical” instructions was how can communicate with them effectively when they and I shared different colors.

The answer is to “Speak the same language that people around you are speaking.”

Anyway, first of all, you are supposed to stand in front of a magical mirror that can detect your past behaviors and show you who you truly are. In other words, you need to look back on what happened in the past and the ways you reacted to them so that you could understand and figure out your true color.

Once you see your true color, you can divert your attention to people around you and spot their colors. Then answer the questions:

  1. Are you and they sharing any in common in thinking and behaviors?

  2. If you and they are not the same, are there any conflicts existing between you and them?  (The conflicts here indicate the differences in interpreting things happening and making decisions to solve problems in life)

  3. Can you adapt yourself to think and act like them so that you could come up with “the proper language” to speak to them then?

Top #2: Improving your connecting listening skills

Finding your true color is the first step, however, the “true” connection requires more than that!

Understanding your color and others’ color can help you adjust your thinking and behaviors to bring your audiences the best comfort when making conversations with you. Anyway, whether or not you can establish a real connection with the people around you will be determined by your heart and mind.

Rumi, a 13th-century Persian poet, used to say: “Not the ones speaking the same language, but the ones sharing the same feeling understand each other.”

How can you understand and share the same feeling with others? – This is a real conundrum of the Art of Making Connections.

On the way to solving this puzzle for myself, I surprisingly learned that everything starts from the smallest thing which is called “Attentive Listening”.

You should start practicing Attentive Listening first before upgrading it to Connecting Listening.

If possible, I would like to summarize the features of Attentive Listening with the F.U.N tactic:

  1. Figure out the big picture from the given information
  2. Unveil the true story by asking clarifying questions
  3. Naturally sympathize with the speakers

As I mentioned above, it is always easier said than done. You might spend years practicing and honing this skill. However, it is a worth-doing job in your life. If you want to be extraordinary, you have to be ready for “a rocky road”.  Take it or leave it is your choice!

Top #3: Making your messages “Real Messages”

Last but not least, you must ensure that your conversation’s heart is a “meaningful” message. The word “meaningful” seems easy to understand, but it is not like what it denotes.

Always keep in mind that people around you are not the same. Each of them comes to you every day with a different story. The stories you heard might share something in common, but they were 100% similar. Did you notice that subtle point?

If I can use my knowledge of maths to explain this point to you, let’s say

As you can see, coming up with a meaningful message to every single one you are communicating with in reality requires much effort. It is exactly a complex task you need to cope with every day. Just break it into smaller pieces and learn how to solve each piece skillfully.

Instructions, Advice, and Tactics are available on the internet or from people around you like family members, friends, colleagues, etc.. but you never gain the skill if you disregard transforming theory into practice.

When it is called the Art of Making Connections, you have to manage to pay its price!

 

 

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