Written by 1:00 pm Everyday Life, Growth Mindset, Life English • 32 Comments

Inviting your Outsiders inside

As usual, I wake up at 7:30 AM. And it was not an exception today. I woke up and stared at the ceiling listlessly because I had been struggling with the topic for my new article. I didn’t know what to share and had no clue.

Half an hour passed without any ideas. The story about the gaps between managers and subordinates I heard from my friend crossed my mind suddenly. I started thinking about it but didn’t know where to start. Then, I got out of my bed and grabbed a piece of paper and a pen; after that, I began to doodle and tried to sort out the mess step by step. I helped myself stick to my own formula that I often use every time I have to deal with hardship. I managed to answer the 4 magic questions respectively: Who, Why, How, and What.

Finally, the draft in front of me at that moment was really interesting, and the 2 keywords I found were: “Insider” and “Outsider”. These words definitely reminded me of two conflicting sayings below:

  1. “Outsiders often have an insight that an insider doesn’t quite have.” – Diane Abbott
  2. “I think you only feel like an outsider if you have been an insider.” – Sade Adu

And I asked myself what role I had chosen to deal with my daily challenges, obstacles, and hardship. Was I an insider or an outsider? Did I take the two roles at a time?

My thoughts started to pour out on the sheets of paper…

STORY 1 | AN ANSWER TO GENERATION GAPS

Firstly, I tried my best to find out the answer to Generation Gaps. Actually, the generation gaps arise from different factors such as cultural, social, and technological experiences between parents and their kids.

However, my main point is not to explain the cultural, social, or technological experiences. What are parents supposed to do when they recognize and realize the different experiences between themselves and their kids? – That was my key question while I was solving that life puzzle.

I found that both parents and kids have different focuses in life. With limited social experiences, kids often build up very personal expectations to satisfy themselves. They are right when coming up with those desires. Kids usually ask their parents to give them proper freedom, to definitely respect them, to be recognized for their good, and to receive shared stories from parents as their friends.

Like their kids, parents also make up their own targets such as building a real home for their kids, protecting their kids from dangers, giving their kids the best education, and expecting a full life for their kids. They are also right when setting up those tough targets.

All the targets and expectations are built inside each parent and kid, and the hidden elements, in fact, are not effectively communicated to both parents and kids. When the invisible barrier is propped up between parents and kids, their interactions can be obviously reflected through the negative biases against each other.

Who is right? Who is wrong? Can you tell?…

STORY 2 | A DEAD-END and BITTER CONFRONTATION BETWEEN BOSSES AND EMPLOYEES

Once again, the old same story happens between bosses and their employees. Due to the different focuses between them, there appears a dead-end and bitter confrontation ever. How to bridge the Manager-Employee gap is the greatest concern of all bosses and employees of all time.

Similar to the situation between parents and kids, firstly, the gap should be clarified and seriously recognized.

At the staff level, what employees can see in their squares or expect can be an attentive line manager, high income, a supportive team, and career development opportunities.

At the managerial level, they might be able to see things further and broader; however, their big picture might not be the same as their bosses’. Let’s say a reasonable boss, reasonable targets,  reasonable compensation & benefits, and proactivity from subordinates.

However, everything changes completely when you have a chance to step into your boss’s square. You will see 4 influencing factors that are governing their mind day and night such as Customers, Cash Generation, Everyone counts (all positions play in cash generation), and Gross Margin.

I bet that you see the totally different mind-governing factors of bosses, managers, and staff.

Who is right? Who is wrong? Can you tell?…

SOLUTION | LET’S INVITE YOUR OUTSIDERS INSIDE 

In the stories we aforementioned, it’s unfair when we conclude that one party is right and the other is wrong. Instead of making any quick and erroneous conclusions, we are meant to keep calm and try to put everything into perspective and start feeling all of them.

The moment we invite the outsiders inside, we start to feel what the insider feels. Remember not to let any biases influence or distort your information processing and interpretation. Once the outsiders have enough time and willingness to feel the square of the insider, they will change their statements about the insider.

How can we make it happen?

Honestly, I’m not sure that you can 100% make it happen in all cases. The key here is all about MUTUAL COMMUNICATION WITH GOODWILL.

If outsiders are not willing enough to step into the square of insiders to explore their worlds, empathy hardly exists as expected, and vice versa.

Once outsiders decide to step in, please throw away all negative biases or at least leave them outside the square. To unlearn and then relearn someone is really worth doing. If you cannot help yourself solve the mutual conflicts or be able to bridge the gap, you, at least, can gain a fresh perspective.

Inviting the Outsiders inside is considered the first stepping stone of a Win-Win negotiation.

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