Written by 5:13 am Everyday Life, Life English • One Comment


“9 years already passed just in a wink of my eyes, which also took away my days of youth, my passion, and my innocence in love. Sometimes I think to myself whether or not there was a moment I felt regret for what I used to hope, used to believe, and used to wish for. My head always goes blank every time I push myself to recollect how my love tasted. I can’t help myself remember any memories of us as if they hadn’t existed. I can’t tell whether I used to be in love or not since it was hard for me to define what love and being loved are. It has been a mystery for me up to now and in the days to come.”

“Love cannot remain by itself – it has no meaning. Love has to be put into action and that action is service.”

Mother Teresa


I used to be a person who dreamed of True Love, talked about True Love in all of my conversations, and even designed a happy ending for it. Actually, you wondered why I was hungry for True Love that much. To be honest, I was not a hot boy like Troy Bolton or a talented guy like Ryan Evens in Highschool Musical. I was just an ordinary boy, no more and no less. There were some moments I hated myself because of my body, my face, and my physical look. And of course, no one dared to love a person like me. Maybe I could be a sincere friend rather than a boyfriend. My life went on in silence till the day I met my first love – Yes, I was 27 at that time! 

What might be left in my mind about my first love could be that he was a handsome young man, he always dressed up as a stylist and he was so sweet when flirting with me. He brought me hope and a new lease on life with his actions and sugary words. Being 27 and first time falling in love with a cool guy, I was on cloud nine and couldn’t help myself stop thinking of him for a minute and imagining our future of being together. Anyway, sweet things never last long. We couldn’t make an adulterated love story and ended not long after we started! I was on the verge of collapse on the day he vanished in the air and abandoned me in the dark despite that I was severely sick and carrying the pang of a broken heart. I whispered to myself that love was so painful and a hundred times as bitter as the tablets I had to take that night. My hopeless tears dropped and my heart broke into pieces….. 

“If you can afford the price of love, it will never be over.”

– Derek Nguyen

It took me two years to overcome the first shock of my love life. 

Leaving my first love behind and moving forward, I diverted my attention to my career and worked super hard then. Soon, I realized that I need to love myself more and never let anyone do that to me again. I became more and more “playboy” and especially I am allergic to promises and sugary words. I knew that my love language was not much about Words of Affirmation. 



In 2015, three years after I said goodbye to my first love, I met a British gentleman. He came to Vietnam for holiday at that time and I accidentally met him through a dating app. I cannot generalize that Western guys are sweeter than Eastern ones since I do not have enough evidence or data. Anyway, he brought me a better feeling than the guy of 3 years before. Although I knew how our story ended at the beginning, I still wanted to take risks or somehow just wanted to create an adulterated but short joy that I missed before. 

As for the new guy I met,  I can tell that he was a good guy, he knew the ways to calm me down and show me how much he cared about “his partner”. Our sweetest part was on Christmas Eve 2015. I still remembered that he called me so late that night to let me know that he was taking a cab to my place. I guessed that he was so drunk because of the unreadable lines he texted me on the way to my house. Of course, I had to go to the head of the alley to pick him up. Finally, the cab stopped at the alley leading to my house, and  I could watch him try his best to get out of the taxi. He smiled at me like a child had done something wrong when his parents were not at home.  He whispered into my ear something I couldn’t remember.

Anyway, it was not the main part I wanted to tell you. Close your eyes now and imagine that it was on the tranquil night of Christmas Eve, we were standing in the middle of the alley, he was holding my left hand so tight and suddenly turned my face toward his face. He gave a hot kiss as a tribe and then he said thank you for picking him up. I thought we would have a romantic night together then, but it became a nightmare a few moments later. He came to my bedroom and took off his clothes. And he lounged around my bedroom in his boxer and looked for something. 

“What are you looking for, babe?” – I asked.

He chimed whatever I couldn’t understand and it dawned on me that he might vomit. I quickly grabbed him and took him to the bathroom. Yes, I was 1000% Right! He tried to empty all the contents in his stomach in front of me. “What the hell!” – I said in my mind. As a result, I became his nanny that night, and in return, I could feel his every single breath and his arms around me all night long. The morning came and he could remind himself of what happened the night before when he woke up. 

“Merry Christmas, babe!” – He looked at me romantically and spoke to me softly.

Christmas 2015 is still the best Christmas I’ve ever had! 

What will come will come – The day he left Vietnam and left me behind with tears became true. Anyway, I was not crying with a broken heart this time – I was crying for an adulterated joy in love. 

“Thank you Chris for what you did for me in 2015 as a seasonal boyfriend and the years after as a friend. You’re always beside me whenever I need encouragement and a shoulder to lean on. 

Thank you –  my first love, and Thank you Chris for 7 years of being with me! Both of you guys helped me learn that Quality Time, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch really matter to me more than Words of Affirmation and Receiving Gifts. 

(From Derek’s Diary)



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