Written by 3:00 pm Everyday Life, Life English • One Comment

Psychology of Pain and Pleasure

Pain and Pleasure are the faces of life, they seem very compelling to scientists and psychologists of all time. Pain and Pleasure highly affect human decisions in everyday life. However, the ways people of different generations interpret and interact with them definitely vary. To see the magic of the two sides of the coin, it requires much effort and empathy to invest so you can deal with each real case in your daily life.

 

Things make sense to someone but mean nothing to others

Have you ever experienced something that makes sense to you but means nothing to others? What could be the base for us to further explain what is going on through the lenses of different individuals?

Recently, I have read a few documents related to Psychology which explain basically what Psychology means and also what contributes to one’s thinking and behaviors.  There have been still arguments and controversial debates between nativists and empiricists up to now. However, it is not the main point I am aiming at in this sharing.

You can say that I highly support empiricism because I strongly believe that the ways people behave are mostly affected by their experiences in life and work. Anyway, experiences might come to a person at different points in his or her life, but they highly make an effect when people reach 13, 18, and 28-30. Each of us has different experiences when we are at the age of 13, 18, and 28-30, which forms our thinking and then our corresponding behaviors.

For example, It’s easy for us to witness arguments and fights between parents and their kids nowadays. Parents often complain that their kids cannot understand the values they have been bringing them throughout the years; at the same time, their kids are nourishing a strong belief that their parents do not understand what they are longing for. Who is right? Who is wrong?

It’s definitely hard to decide which party is right or wrong because when it comes to generation cognition, we are supposed to collect enough data and then carefully analyze the data to see the insiders’ points of view and why they are carrying and protecting their viewpoints.

In this situation, we can learn that the experiences of the parents and the kids are totally different. What the parents experienced at the age of 13, 18, and 28 is not the same as their kids’. If the kids are sympathetic enough, they can reply that they might know and readily imagine what happened to their parents and vice versa. Mutual sympathy rarely happens between parents and kids. That’s why people are struggling with generation gaps these days. It’s easy to say that the gaps can grow bigger and tougher, but not in the other direction.

There is a film named Freaky Friday. It is about the story of Anna and her mother Tess switching their bodies after a night, and then they begin the journey of fully understanding each other’s woes. You might say that the plot sounds impossible in the real life because no magic can make you wake up in another’s body after one night. However, the implication here reminds us that we might know what is going on in one’s life on the surface, but we actually cannot understand what it means to that person until we have a chance to experience what he/she did.

When we toss the coin and decide on Pain or Pleasure, we need to ensure that we at least give ourselves a chance to experience or get to know what others have dealt with. It might be a Pleasure for you, but Pain for others!

Putting yourself in others’ shoes is not an easy job ever

As I mentioned above, you might easily know what is happening to someone if you are attentive and sensitive enough. However, understanding how they feel and how they interpret the same things you are seeing is not easy at all.

In this scenario, Assumption is not the best policy if you want to build up social connectivity with others. In other words, it is a complex problem that takes you much time to break down and analyze. From that, you can have the anatomy of others’ problems. Do not forget to look into their content and process.

If you are working as a manager and managing a team, you sometimes forget the hardship you experienced as an entry-level staff. You instinctively force them to know what you already knew, force them to be able to do what you are doing, and force them to be aware of what you already spent your youth to recognize and see. Is it fair?

If you fall into that unconscious trap, you are turning the working environment into hell for your staff. In return, you might be labeled as an arrogant person, an evil despot, or “the Devil wearing Prada”. Despite what you are attempting to protect them or doing good for them, they still feel you in this way.

What could be the tips for Social Bonding?

It’s easier said than done when it comes to Putting Yourself in others’ shoes. To make it come true in your life, you are supposed to:

  1. Spend quality time with your beloved people so that you can understand their hidden stories, which can open the magical door to their souls.
  2. Acknowledge what happened to them makes sense
  3. Ask questions to deeply understand the incidents and occurrences. From that, you can draft the flow of their emotions
  4. Respect and share your own opinions, and use your thoughts as a reference for them. Never force them to follow your instructions if they are not ready or open enough.
  5. Take time to adjust and adapt yourself to their styles, then find the common points to strengthen your bonds.

Last but not least, never say “I understand” if you haven’t done the steps above or just go around the table.

Pain or Pleasure is not what we want, the ways making us see things as Pain or Pleasure do matter!

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